Road to nowhere
by EmyNegro
Summary: She was a strange girl, obsessed. He was an ice captain, calm and collected. This is how he ruined her life, all of them. COMPLETED.


This was one of those moments that you would just never understand, you that you could ponder about for your whole life, but that you could never, ever comprehend, not even in the slightest way. I was on a road, the journey of life, but I was going no where. I had died, it had been several months but I still walked the same road I had just changed the scenery around me. there was still blood and hate and war, but it was more medieval then anything, more brutal, more deadly.

The day that my road stopped was when I meet this man, he was a white haired and green eyed boy, he acted like he was made out of ice, like his soul and heart were frozen shut and would stay that way until he past onto the world after this one, death after life after death. He had stroted past me. Before my world was revolved around me, as everyone else's, but when I saw him. His world became mine. My trail changed again, like an icy battlefield filled with the dead and that white haired boy already far along it. I had to run to keep up to him, work twice as hard and be twice as slow.

He had walked right past me that day, one of the lower strands of his hair brushed my cheek, his strange mint-watermelon shampoo tinkled my nose. My eyes meet his for only a moment before before he continued on, not paying attention to me. From then on, I was simply non-existents to him, not that I ever existed to him anyways. I did not go speak to him, for in my mind a relationship cannot work unless the two being are at the same stage in life, age and height were irrelevant (even if more females prefer having a taller and dominant male). I simply tried my hardest to be as perfect as I could possibly be, trying to catch up to him, to be as much of a prodigy has he.

My efforts were in vain and he soon became a captain, his perfectness shining through the over-sized captain cloak. My path was now different in a way, Toshiro Hitsugaya was no longer seen on my path of life, on my path of destiny. His face was still etched into my brain, but my path slowly and slowly became my own again. I never forgot him, but the sake brought beautiful fake memories of me and him, while slowly making me forget that he was unreachable and unthinkable for me to ever attain, to ever have, to ever have him dominate me like a man dominates his lover...well like a lover at least. He did already dominate me in everything.

This is where are story starts,  
with Yamayashi, the young girl that feel in love with the tenth division captain, the prodigy, the ice captain. It happened to be a Saturday when Yamayashi Tetsuya had gone drinking with Rangiku again. She was a busty girl, she had a huge rack, orange/red hair and the bluest eyes you will see in your life, she was tall and beautiful and a total drunk. She was my best friend. She was also the tenth divisions lieutenant, Toshiro Hitsugaya, she saw him every day.

Yamayashi never understood how they become friends, she, herself was small, not quite as tall as her obsession, but not quite as small as Yachiru, the eleventh division lieutenant. Her eyes where blue like her best friends, but they had an edge to them, something mysterious about them. Hey hair was orange, not like Rangiku's but more so, more vibrant, her hair was also curly. These traits made her look as if she was Rangiku's daughter and other then the drinking and the other type of shit that they got into, they did have a mother-daughter relationship with each other. Of course, she and Rangiku could be friends because they were both on the same level of society, Yamayashi was the temporary lieutenant for the 13th division.

They had gone to a bar that day, the only reliable one in soul society, the only one that existed inside of sereitei, they had gone and drank till they had started singing along with the music that played in the bar and Yamayashi saw her beloved Toshiro Hitsugaya beside her, he wasn't really there, but to her he was real and holding her hand and twirling her and kissing her and...well smiling. Its this illusion that turned her world upside down, because it was this one that changed everything about her. They left holding hands. People on the street looked at the lieutenant strangely, she was holding her hand out to the side and no one was grasping it.

Just by coincidence Toshiro Hitsugaya had decided to go for a walk that night he saw her, he did not know her name, he had seen her many times parading around with Rangiku, but her name and rank completely escaped him. He was surprised she was alone, he had never seen her alone, not even once, but here she was acting like a total nut in the streets. Perhaps she was drunk, she was often with his lieutenant, so she must be a drinker.

He decided that it was best not to bother her Rangiku was probably not far behind and he didn't really enjoy her when she was drunk, she somehow was always surrounded by looming paperwork and irresponsibility. He gave the same reputation to her friends, the one who he didn't know of course. This girl suddenly fell down, but he still did not go to her, her friends would most likely pick her up and she was none of his business. So for now he left and he didn't looked back. He didn't see the blood that started coming out of her body...

* * *

It had been a few days since are heroine had fallen unconscious on the street, she had been found a few hours after she had started bleeding. It was Rengi who had found her, dying and cold, she was shivering and still unconscious. Yamayashi had been put into the intensive care unit at the fourth division. She was under Captain Unohana's care, her health was truly in jeopardy. The news soon flooded to the other shinigami and eventually the still drunk Matsumoto found out. She rushed to her captains office to tell him the news and why she wouldn't be around for the next little while.

"Captain!" she said slamming the door open "It Ya-chan! She in critical condition! Please Captain let me go to her!" Hitsugaya simply looked up from his stack of paperwork and looked at the sweaty Rangiku. He wasn't quite sure who she was talking about. Who was this Ya... He didn't know anyone who sported such a name.

"Who is this Ya?" He asked being very serious, he wasn't at all scared or worried. He quite frankly didn't care about this Ya that Matsumoto was so preoccupied with. He would never dare say it, but if this woman died, it wouldn't affect him in the least. This cruel thought that manifested in the tenth division's captains brain was, unknown to him, wrong. Matsumoto was insulted, but not because it hurt her feelings, but because that she was dying and he didn't even give her any regard. He was as usual cold to the world he didn't know.

"Yamayashi Tetsuya is my best friend and now she's dying. I just wanted to take my paperwork and go to her." Matsumoto said her face was hard and her eyes unforgiving. The tension in the room got higher, but it was disregarded. Toshiro gave her the rest of the paperwork, two high stacks of white death. Matsumoto grabbed them and shunpoed to her best friends side. She hoped that her Ya-chan would be OK, that she would still be alive when she got there. No one knew what had happened ot the 13th divisions lieutenant. No one had witnessed her downfall, no one had seen her fall to the ground. she had been alone and she felt as if she had always been alone.

When Matsumoto finally got to the 4th division she slowed to a walk. She looked around the establishment checking all of the rooms, determined not to miss her friend. She eventually got to a room, Yamayashi's captain was there standing at the door, speaking to Captain Unohana. They both looked sad and disappointed in themselves. Rangiku dropped the paperwork and ran into her friends room. She grabbed her ice cold and let the tears fall from her eyes. She looked dead. She finally looked peaceful. Captain Unohana walked in and put a hand on Matsumoto's shoulder as she burst into tears.

Even if Yamayashi Tetsuya looked peaceful and as if she was resting, inside she was in pain and a dead turmoil. Not because of her unrequited love, but mostly because it was hard to die after death, it was easy to avoid, a horrible injury would most likely be fatal in you lived on the earth, but here you simply went into a coma and suffered on the inside, your deepest and darkest desires were fulfilled, most never woke up. It was a fate worst then death, it was eternal suffering. Yamayashi Tetsuya was considered doomed.

Toshiro Hitsugaya was rather pleased today, unlike his lieutenant who was sitting beside her suffering friend doing what she dreaded most, while holding her Ya-chan's hand, paperwork. It toke her mind of everything, what she usually hated most about paperwork, but today it was welcoming and rather comforting. Perhaps that was how her captain felled. She tried being happy with Rengi and Kira and everyone, but it was different without Yamayashi, without her holding her hand out to no one, without her twirling when no one spun her... Toshiro was finished his paperwork now, for once, he could do nothing, if it pleased him, just sit around and read or spin tops or go and visit Hinamori. Nothing seemed to be right. He didn't want to do anything. Perhaps he should go bother his lieutenant as she bothered him when he went throught some bad times. Yes. That would do. The cold hearted Captain was about to break and fall.

Toshiro Hitsugaya walked into the room that his lieutenant was stationed in. When he walked into the room, he couldn't help but stop and stare. There was his lieutenant with a trail of tears coming from her eyes, she was sleeping with her head on, who he though was Ya-chan's, lap. The paper work was all done with some tear spots on it. He was astonished that she was so quiet, so peaceful. He was almost even more astonished that ALL of her paperwork was done. He walked into the room and looked at the girl who was hooked up to several machines. IV's and tube where plugged into her, her mouth and nose were covered, they were helping her breath. She looked so frail and small, thats when he realized that she was the nut that he had seen walking around, holding an imaginary hand. He wondered what had happened to her. He didn't fell guilty for not bringing her back to here, he still didn't even know her name. Matsumoto had said something, but he couldn't quite remember...

"AH! Captain Hitsugaya, are you here to see my poor Yama?" Toshiro turned around and looked at Jushiro. His poor Yama? Toshiro thought question marks would be popping out of his head if they could, but alas there were none.

"Your poor Yama Captain?" Toshiro asked telling Jushiro his thoughts. "Ah yes, she's my lieutenant, did you not know Toshiro?" Toshiro twitched quite noticeably, the one thing that he hated the most in the world, disrespect he hated it even more then the paperwork that he as constantly stuck with, he was about to say something, put the older Captain back in his place, respect for respect, but before he could say anything Jushiro continued.

"Yes poor girl, no one knows what happened to her. I should have been there, she has always been slightly off her rocker muttering incomprehensible names in her sleep, holding a pillow at night having some imaginary man grip her hand when she walks... That's how she became friends with Matsumoto you know, I guess the alcohol made the man easier for her to envision, perhaps he materializes faster or something. I wish I could she into her mind, just once, just too know..." Jushiro trailed off, Toshiro didn't try to bring him back from his trail of thoughts. He just stared at what some humans could mistake as his father. Jushiro just stared into space.

Toshiro walked over to his lieutenant, she had her hair in a messy bun strands were falling here and there. The black circles under her eyes made him flinch. He didn't want to see a close up of the so called Yama. He looked at the paperwork and picked it up, seeing the splotches more clearly. Some of the writing was hard to read but it would do, Toshiro would not have to do any of it again and that pleased him.

He couldn't help it he slowly glanced over at the small girl. He winced, his green orbs widening. Her hair was greasy and stringy, it shined with all all the sweat mixed in with it. She had huge black circles under her eye like she painted them on by herself. Her skin was extremely pale and slightly green, like she hadn't bathed in weeks, which she hadn't. She looked peaceful, he was about to turn away when he heard the smallest whimper made him whip his head around, he was about to yell for someone, his mouth opened. "Toshiro..."Yama whispered, unknowingly.

Toshiro's eyes widened more then before his ead whiped around, no one else was around. He slowly walked over to the petite, frail looking girl. He was being overly cautious for no reason. His steps slow and calculated, like as he was approaching a sleeping beast, one that would bite off his head. He finally reached her bedside and he suddenly understood, like when the last piece of a puzzle is in it's place and the puzzle finally makes sense. The night when he saw her, she was holding her hand out to no one she was imagining him beside her. All those times Matsumoto had told him about her suddenly came too life in his mind, it was vivid...

_Toshiro was doing paperwork as usual. It was cold, so he felt right right at home. It was a long day though...so much paperwork. That was when his busty fuku-taicho barged in, she smelled of sake...this was going to be a very long day..._

_"Taiiccchhhhooooooo!" The happy drunk smiled. The icy man did not answer, his focus remaining on the paperwork. "Ohhh! Taicho your so cold!" Matsumoto frowned, but her frown soon turned upside down. "Taicho, you remind me of Ya-chan you know?" Matsumoto said, semi-whining. Toshiro did not answer, but his attention was captured. He was still scribbling on the paperwork, but it was nonsense._

_"She can be sooooooo cold sometimes, but she lights up when shes with me~" Matsumoto said pride shining in her voice. "she's so funnyy though...a really nice girl" Toshiro knew that his lieutenant was going on one of her rants again, it didn't bother him much this time, he was actually interested. Strange. "She always dances by herself but twirls and stuff like she was with someone, she walks and she sswwwiiiiiiinnggssss her arms back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and fort..." Matsumotoe trailed on until Toshiro cut her off. "Ok I get it! you can shut up now!" Toshiro snapped at her, but Rangiku was already passed out on the floor muttering nonsense about cookies and milkshakes that can make your breasts bigger. toshiro sighed and got back to his paperwork._

The ice captain stood there, somewhat captivated, somewhat scared of her. He had never been loved and it sort of repulsed him to think that she loved him, he didn't even know her... She was like a stalker. He backed away a bit. his head and his prejudice taking over his instincs, he didn't even know what he was doing when he shunpoed away from the fourth division., any plan to ruin Matsumoto's day forgotten.

* * *

The small fragile girl was having a very similar day to Toshiro's. She was living her dream, she was with her love, but the world around them collapse and she didn't care. Matsumoto yelled for her, so that she wouldn't die. She was just looking into his eyes, watching his cold emotionless stare. she was looking for the love for anything that could show her that he cared, but all she had was a hand that she was gripping and he was not gripping hers. The platform that she was on suddenly fell into the flames below.

She gripped the mans hand harder, but she was slipping and he was looking at her with an emotionless stare. His hand did not grip hers back and she fell and she fell and she fell. Yamayashi felt like she had been falling for ever, but she wasn't getting further away from Toshiro his stares where still uncaring, his hand was not reached out to her. He looked at her condescendingly. the pain was real though, she could fell the flames licking her skin, she could fell her heart screaming and breaking and falling apart. She tried to keep it together, but eventually even the most powerful and willful people on the planet eventually fail and thats what happenned to our poor Yama.

Her road of life was going no where and her road eventually stopped, but right before she died she could fell his presence, she could see him, walking along his path he stopped and looked at her momentarilly, his eyes showing discust and hate. Her road was done, her life was over and now she started anew in a new world, in a new life, but her heart will forever be heavy with the memory of the boy that left her, of the man that haed her. Her road would forever go nowhere, because her heart would never heal from something she wasn't even aware of, but you heart has eyes of it own. Her road, her road broke right along with her heart at his words...

"I'm sorry, I hate you."

Her road was was going nowhere.

* * *

This is my first one-shot(Well on this website) tell me what you think! I know it's not long but I tryed to make it shorter then it was supposed be so...  
I own nothing and I really wish I got money for doing this...


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